KickAssGuy Dot Net - Awesome Defined.

I love the Nigerians and other dumwit Africans not giving up theyre hunt for easy dollars.

Just recently I received a email from a woman telling me I could have 30% share of a 15 million Dollar fund available in Benin republic but I must be in Abuja (Nigeria) in order to complete the contract which includes paying $4,000 for laywer fees, $100 processing fee and other small petty fees totalling $350. So to get my 30% of 15 million US, I must fork out 4000+100+350 = $4450 a deal that sounds too good to be true.

Usually if things sound too good to be true then it is too good to be true. Why would you get an email from the blue suggesting that you will get large amounts of money without them not even knowing your name? They address you as “Sir/Madam”! These are spam emails sent to thousands or even millions at one time baiting the suckers (thats us) to fork over money to all royals and chiefs or bereaved wives.

AVOID THESE SCAM!!!

A typical 419 email looks like this:

(BARRISTER DANIEL OBIORA & COUNSELORS AT LAW)
69 BP 875 AKPAKPA DODOMEY
COTONOU REPUBLIC OF BENIN.

Best Regards
Barr.DANIEL OBIORA

Please send him your condolences!

Heres also a video of how ABC busted a 419 Nigerian scammer; enjoy!

Whenever I play Halo I meet so many different people who act and behave differently. Some characters and skill are to be admired whilst some people should just stop playing halo and not necessarily because they suck at the game but they are just simply annoying to play with. Find below a top 7 list of people that annoy the hell out of me…. and probably you too.

7.) The noobs who say “WOW” whenever they die.

I get sick and tired of stupid noobs who always say WOW whenever they die just because they can not ever get a fucking kill. Its hard enough playing with 3 other noobs in team slayer which suck…..

6.) Getting Called a “Foreigner”

I know I am from England and have an English accent which differentiates from that of the states but for fucks sake how does that make me a “foreigner”???? Since when did the internet belong to Americans or since when did the US have xbox live all for themselves!!!

5.) The Loud Little Kids

Im quite frankly tired of 13 year old kids who scream their heads off everytime someone kills them blaming bungie for their demise. REALITY CHECK: A sniper bullet through your head means DEATH no matter HOW FAR the sniper. No need blaming the good folks over bungie for your no0b skillz.

4.) The “De-Rankers”

To be honest I have not met many of these cunts whilst playing halo 3 but they are there and when you do get them in your game type they can seriously hamper your chances of winning. I play Team slayer all the time to level UP not level DOWN. To get rid of these cunts I strongly suggest leaving a negative player review such as “avoid player” (lacking skill). To get rid of them in the team if they are non stop committing suicide, you simply stay close to them and let them betray you. When the message comes up (usually after 2 betrayals), you simply boot the bitch.

3.) The “Melee” Update HaterzzZ (blaming bungie…again)

Before in Halo 3 we had the people always owning the others with a melee attack simply because they had a better internet connection. Now, since the update, bungie has fixed this so that the person with least amount of health dies. However, some people cant just understand this concept at all when they both die during a simultaneous melee attack. Ok so the system aint perfect but stop blaming bungie you level 3 sergeant no0bs.

2.) The “Parasite”

The Parasite. Before I complain let me explain what a parasite is:

a follower who hangs around a host (without benefit to the
host) in hope of gain or advantage

.

So it does NOT benefit you. In halo 3, the equivalent is a no0b that has a negative KD (kill to death ratio) i.e. -13 but you still win because you and your other team mates are owning. Essentially it caused you no harm hence it parasiting off you.

The halo 3 ranking system recognises such parasites and does not award them as many points or whatever metric system used to rank up. You must have a good game in order to level up quickly, by good I mean a positive Kill to Death ratio.

1.) The “Leech”

There is nothing worse than a “LEECH“. These dickheads are the type who single handedly make you loose a game with their KD (Kill to Death Ratio) being negative. Imagine getting +10 in a game and you are owning but you loose 45-50 because some stupid no0b has -13????????

Definition of “Leech”:

“Leeches attach themselves to their hosts sucking blood and remain there until they become full, at which point they fall off”

Leeches suck blood in real life causing you harm until they get full and stop sucking blood. In halo 3 they DIE non stop all the way until the game ends after which you have lost. I would rather quit than stay and play with a Leech.

—-

Thats the list folks, I hope you like it!

Note: This list is made for fun but if you seriously fall into anyone of these points, then you are seriously close to becoming a “no0b”.

LaterzzZZZZ

It is a well known fact that any sort of academic study sucks. Heck, I hate studying at uni so much I hardly attend any classes at all. The minimum required to progress shall be more than enough for me - thats why I’m doing an assignment which was set more than a month ago, 2 days before the hand in date. I HATE STUDYING!

I currently attend Aston University which is located in the heart of Birmingham - thats the United Shitdom for all who dont know. What do I study? Chemical Engineering! Thats right, I’ll soon be pumping oil faster than Iraq and all the other Arab countries around the world.

I hear theres money in the oil industry, so of course, anyting which I earn will be dedicated to my Xbox 360 (or my current console then).

Do you study? How do you cope? I hate ANY form of ACADEMIC STUDY!

We all know with an e-mail address comes great powers. We are given the right to send electronic mail over the internet to whoever we wish. We can write about what we want and also receive mail from fellow elite “e-mail account” holder. Furthermore we can access online chat facilities such as AIM, Yahoo Messenger & MSN Messenger. Seeing as most of you use Hotmail, I will use MSN Messenger to base my facts upon.

You come tired from school, college (most of you) or university (not many of you) and decide to have something to eat. As soon as you have finished your dinner that your lovely mother has cooked for you, you decide to log on to the internet. Whats the first thing you do? I know, LOG IN TO MSN MESSENGER. Still…theres nothing wrong with that, I too log into MSN Messenger whenever I have internet access, its became a default routine.

Anyway, you see that you have 200+ contacts on (most which you do not know and are possibly pedophiles). You click on your best friends add and a few others and start your conversation with “Whts Gd” or “Yo Sup”. Your Friend(s) replies “Sup” or “Chillin”.

Now this is when it Gets interesting.

You start to have a conversation about your day, how interesting or boring it was (you choose):

You: Man, Miss Jenny from maths is a bitch, shes making us do algebra again…

Friend: LOL, again? LOL.

You: LOL, Yeah its getting boring, I nearly went asleep!! lol

Friend: LOOOL

Damn how many times have they used the word “LoL” already? 5 times in 4 lines of a conversation? I mean, its perfectly fine to use “LOL” but overusing it just kills it. Its like when you try to say “Im Rick James Bitch” - it’s funny when Dave Chappelle says it, not you. I’m tired of people adopting speech patterns, catch phrases, and their entire personalities from movies. When Jim Carrey’s “Ace Ventura” came out, every prick I know did their worst “allllrighty then” impression. You can still hear it echoed by smug school girls who try to compensate for their lack of personality and any semblance of wit by chanting this mantra so maybe you won’t notice that they’re lying whores. The worst is when some gabby bitch is the center of a party, and someone tells an awkward story, to which she’ll pause a beat, roll her eyes, then say “oooooookayyyyy!” Then she thinks it’s funny and she high fives all her snobby bitch friends who watch stupid shit like “Will & Grace”.

Similarly overusing the word “lol” (if we can even call it a word) makes you look more retarded than you already are, talking to PoPO (see picture below) would be more intellectually stimulative for my brain than your pathetic, limited, vocabulary.

To conclude:

If you do not use “lol” 5 times every sentence, then well done, you are 1 step above being a complete retard. If you use it 3 times in one sentence then I feel sorry for you because chances are you will forget to breathe during the next sentence your writing.

Booyah! Dudes, welcome to the beginning of KickAssGuy.net - the website which intends to simply write and record events so ownage and pwnage that you must be retarded not to grab your daily dose of awesome.

The writer behind KickAssGuy Dot Net is none other than the genius behind the highly trafficked technology blog entitled SweetHacks. This Technology Blog is basically about technology and currently receives nearly 2500 daily unique visitors. With a write so damn good, you can only expect fantastic posts (and videos) which will suit all age and genders.

We promise adrenaline fuelled articles and videos- upcoming content includes “how to be ninja”, “how to avoid becoming a geek” and “kick that retards ass!”.

This post marks the beginning of KickAssGuy and the demise of thousands of other websites as we suck up all their traffic. Beware folks, a genius is at large - we will not save anyone.

Kickin Yo Ass,

Abdalla “Genius” Ahmed.